Uncle Sam wants YOU!!!!

Well, W said that we should support our troops by going shopping. It's an interesting concept that discloses that he knows nothing about living in poverty. Nevertheless I'd hate to seem unpatriotic so I headed out with the fam to support the troops. We went to Powell's, which will be my personal library should I ever become rich. We also checked out the robust delights of Whole Foods, Crate & Barrel, and some store that starts with a Z that only Travis remembers the name to. By afternoon, Jo and I were beginning to lose our shopping buzz, so we left the parents and headed out for a food source. Taco Bell it was. Jo, who apparently was hurt by my discouragement with her modeling abilities set out to prove me wrong...


I got all excited when I saw the Saguaro cactus in front of Taco Bell only to discover it was only a not-so-well shaped bush.
We were so very tired, so I gave up and went home leaving Jo with her parents to continue supporting the troops.

The End.

There is a Bomb in Gilead

Well, it was a Christmas. Since I didn't get to go home to my birth parents (I'll see them next week), I spent it with the next best thing, an aunt and uncle and my cousin. On Sunday, Jo (the Cuz) and I met her parents to view the Egyptology exhibit at the Portland Art Museum. It was rather good for something about dead people. Although she did point out things she wanted for Christmas, I reminded her that a felony will keep me from getting licensed someday and she won't be able to move into my poolhouse because if I were lucky enough to have a poolhouse, I would be the one living in it. After we left the museum, I felt the need to take a picture. We're going to have to work on her modeling poses and my focusing abilities. (she's the pink blob you see). Apparently my work isn't headed to an art gallery near you anytime soon.
After leaving P-town, we enjoyed something (can't remember what, but I'm guessing it was food related) and then we sat down to open presents. This came as a bit of a surprise to me as we've always opened them Christmas morning, but hey, I'm breezy and it's fun. Now Nicky, is the Christmas cat, so this is her special time. To commemmorate it, we did portraits. If you'll notice, Jo has a beatific look on her face and Nicky's scowl, is well.....we'll just call them the yin and yang of Christmas.
Then, Uncle Bruce read us a short excerpt from a Nicholas Sparks book. Oddly enough it didn't make me cry like it usually does. (I hold him personally responsible for the rising rates of depression in the US.)

Of course we had the traditional family portrait time. It was not as adventurous as is usual in my family, but nevertheless took a few attempts to perfect and finally it came the time for Jo to pass out (insert Ted & Scott joke here).....the presents. One of the high points of this Christmas, was the apparent theme of smelling good. There was all sorts of colognes and perfumes and bodywashes for all to sniff and swoon over. I didn't think we smelled bad before, but perhaps I missed some memo (it often happens).
My family likes to give practical gifts. Although no underwear was gifted, we did have a share of practical gifts.
Jo with scissorsJo with clock

Jo stunned with the amazing brilliance and the lack of practical use of her gift from me.
We also learned that this may be the most effective way of getting a good family picture.





After opening all the gifts, Nicky enjoyed the luxury of hanging out with the three wisemen. You'll notice that the one on the left is a devout Muslim with a lousy sense of direction (after all he's praying towards Alaska, otherwise known as the second great land of Mohammed).

The next day after a relaxing morning that included hot tubbing, we ate Christmas dinner (complete with recipe from the North Dakota Library Association cookbook). I assure you it was more interesting than it appears (there was also more food than appears).

All in all it was a very good Christmas. Hope yours was as well.

Tomorrow at the Museum

Best line heard today...

"Tomorrow at the museum, I'll point out a few things that I want for Christmas."

Fireflies

A friend introduced me to a new (to me) poet. Here's a sample...

Lawrence Ferlinghetti

ARE THERE NOT STILL FIREFLIES

Are there not still fireflies
Are there not still four-leaf clovers
Is not our land still beautiful
Our fields not full of armed enemies
Our cities never bombed to oblivion
Never occupied by iron armies
speaking iron tongues
Are not our warriors still valiant
ready to defend us
Are not our senators still wearing fine togas
Are we not still a great people
Is this not still a free country
Are not our fields still ours
our gardens still full of flowers
our ships with full cargoes

Why then do some still fear
the barbarians are coming
coming coming
in their huddled masses
(What is that sound that fills the ear
drumming drumming?)

Is not Rome still Rome
Is not Los Angeles still Los Angeles
Are these really the last days of the Roman Empire

Is not beauty still beauty
And truth still truth
Are there not still poets
Are there not still lovers
Are there not still mothers
sisters and brothers
Is there not still a full moon
once a month

Are there not still fireflies
Are there not still stars at night
Can we not still see them
in bowl of night
signalling to us
our so-called manifest destinies?

Addendum

Apparently the voodoo pins work. I'm adding Brooklyn, NY to the list!

Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket?

Well Time Magazine named me their person of the year. Well actually it was "you" in a collective sense, but I need every bit of inflated self-image I can muster to get me through the ego-battering internship application process. I've now heard from everyone except for two sites; one which I'm sure is a "no" and the other which could go either way. Both of them were supposed to notify me by the 15th, which makes the wait even more frustrating. So, with the exception of these two sites (and they know who they are thanks to my little fabric voodoo site dolls with pins in them), I might be moving to Honolulu, HI, Fort Meade, SD, Syracuse, NY, or Coatesville, PA. I'm very pleased with these options.

Some of you may have heard about the storm we had out here on the left coast. Apparently it was the worst one since the 1930s, although I missed most of the news information given that I was without electricity for a day (which meant the only thing I had was cold water). About the time the temperature got below 40 degrees in my house, it came back on, something for which I was very grateful. The hardest part was not being able to obsessively check my email to see if internships had contacted me. Fortunately my sister came through and did it for me from Arizona. I spent most of the day in bed under my down comforter with Simon and Garfunkel cuddled up to me for warmth. On the upside it wasn't bad timing as the applications were beginning to send me into the fetal position anyway (two days later and I've now finally started to uncurl).

I'm now done with school for the semester and have time to catch up on things I've pushed from consciousness for the last five months, such as finances and organization. My cousin from North Dakota is coming to visit over Christmas which means a lovely Saturday night of eating popcorn and apples and watching M*A*S*H reruns until we fall asleep. I can hardly wait!! Then we will make apple pie and head up to her parents for the holiday. Oh, I love this season!

Tannenbaum

I have a tree. It smells good.

Snow and other random thoughts.

I woke up this morning to about an inch of snow on the roof. I wasn't expecting it at all so it was a pleasant surprise. For those of you who know me I have a love/hate fascination with snow. Not having grown up with it, it makes very little sense to me. Sadly Oregonians don't know what to make of it either and apparently few of them have spent any of their life in snow country. I passed two wrecks on my way into work and the ground wasn't even freezing. Tonight we're supposed to have two inches by morning and I am planning on going to work. Hopefully if all goes well, the rest of the locals will stay in.
Also on another random tangent. I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens Christmas album. He included the song "Come Thou Fount." The only connection I can make to Christmas is the phrase "here I raise my ebenezer." Now I know this has absolutely nothing to do with Mr. Scrooge and is only connected because my brain is tired. Any thoughts out there? Is this historically connected to Christmas or is it just a friendly hymn that makes me go back to that comfy happy place that I wish Christmas was for everyone? This album was given to me as a birthday gift and I recommend it for anyone who likes gentle background music for Christmas. It's one of the best, unobtrusive, yet beautiful albums I've heard in a long time.

Ahhh, Christmas....

Beth and Anne and I went to the Christmas tree lighting in downtown Portland. It was quite lovely with lots of people singing and drinking coffee. There was a weird guy there promoting the Cricket telephone company. He was dressed like a green court jester and had some interesting dances for the Christmas carols. There were, of course (after all this IS Portland), the anti-Bush protesters bringing their own special brand of hate to the happy celebration with their signs about impeaching Bush. Even though I like Portland because of its activism, I didn't want it there last night. I had to agree with Beth that a Christmas celebration is no place for protesting. Even I don't want to think about the state of our nation during the holidays. Happiness is often about denial ;) After the tree was lit and the carols were sung, we walked around the city blocks enjoying the pretty window dressings in the stores, drinking hot drinks and eating a slice of pizza schmizza. Despite its lack of sunshine, I am going to miss this city. It really is beautiful and I like how community centered it feels. It's one of the best places to be if you're homeless, outdoorsy, an activist or a dog (I've seen surveys and studies done on all of those things). I'll miss Powell's (the wonderful bookstore), the food (Riyadh's, Papa Hayden's, Pastini), Wandering around and seeing all the street musicians and artists (wish I had a picture of the guy covered in silver paint standing in a silver box, I'm guessing it was performance art?), and most of all, the people.

I also had a realization when watching Santa at the mall, we teach our children to be afraid of strangers, then once a year we shove them on a strange man's lap, shake things at them so they pay attention to the camera and try to make them smile instead of cry in terror. Are we mad? Oh well, these children are my future clients and will help me pay back my student loans!

Hoo RAY!!

I’m done with internship applications, and it only took:


Over a ream of paper
5 ink cartridges
Nearly 3 packages of “exceptional” resume paper
Continuous rotation of my new John Legend CD
Two boxes of Cheezits
A box of hard candy
A bag of rice crackers
Innumerable bottles of water, diet soda, tea, etc
A relapse of mono
Two ear infections
2+ months of panicking
At least 24 hours of writing
Loss of at least 1,745,564 hairs from my head
Coordinating 15 stacks of material, including letters from four different people
Suddenly stopping to regroup my financial aid status so my transcripts could be printed
A large amount of money in postage
A loss of important time for doing just about anything else


SO, for next year hopefully I’ll be in one of the following places (in no particular order):

Honolulu, HI
Syracuse, NY
Columbia, MO
Fort Meade, SD
Minneapolis, MN
Napa, CA
Long Beach, CA
Albuquerque, NM
North Little Rock, AR
Atlanta, GA
Coatesville, PA
Salisbury, NC
Brooklyn, NY
Houston, TX


And on another note:

If I ever live in Western Oregon again, I will seriously consider investing in an amphibious car.

Forgiveness

How does forgiveness play into politics? The idea of forgiveness is interesting to me. Because of growing up in a country with the separation of church and state, I have the natural ability to compartmentalize at least a part of my beliefs. But as a therapist I've struggled with the idea of forgiveness. Is it a religious idea, or is it a secular idea? Can it be both? Can I bring it up ethically in therapy, even though I think it's a crucial part of healing? And how much of our spirituality can we compartmentalize? I never realized how much we did this until experiencing Kenya and seeing how pervasive personal faith was in Kenyan life and how little they could comprehend our ability to cover ours up as needed. When I look at the world, I see a need for forgiveness, but can as I, as someone who believes separation of church and state is necessary for freedom of faith, expect governments to practice forgiveness?

While reading Philip Gourevitch's book We Wish to Inform You...", I came to the realization that atrocities only beget atrocities. Not particularly a new concept, but somehow framed in a fresh way. What happened in Rwanda in the 100 days of Tutsi genocide was devastating and life-altering in ways that few outsiders can probably ever fathom. But now as Rwandans try to repair their country under Paul Kagame, they begin to punish those involved, turning it into a justifiable genocide redirected at the Hutus that is still going on over ten years later. Perhaps they were all guilty, but what does wiping out a people group, some who don't even identify themselves as Hutu, really solve?

Recently the US extradited an 83-year-old woman for Nazi war crimes. The ironic twist in the story is that although she served as a prison camp guard, she married a Jewish man who was a survivor. What should her punishment be? Her hatred of Jews doesn't exactly seem to run deep, seeing as she spent more of her life loving one than torturing them. Should she be charged with war crimes? Or should she be forgiven if she is indeed guilty? If we punished everyone who is guilty of something, where would it end?

Today while visiting the Abbey, Brother Mark showed us his 9/11 memorial. He told us how he searched the grounds for days trying to find two trees that were straight and true and close together. There he had placed an iron cross with an apple in front and he holds a memorial every year on the anniversary. His face faltered as he reminded us about the devastation and loss brought on by that day. Not only the events of that morning, but as a result of the vengeance it inspired. He spoke of vulnerability as the alternative to vengeance. I've heard of humility spoken of as a spiritual strength, but never vulnerability. In a way it makes so much sense. To forgive and forget makes us vulnerable. I suddenly realized why forgiveness is so hard.

Vulnerability does not mesh well with political goals or self-preservation. And while politicians speak of war as a means to peace and freedom, it only feeds into the cycle of violence and pain. It reminds me of a quote attributed to, I believe Gandhi, something to the effect of an eye for an eye and the world goes blind. If we can kill for the greater good, can we not be vulnerable as well and forgive? And can we forgive as a secular nation or is that a part of ourselves we gave up as a means to peace and freedom?

A Bright Pink Spot in Portland

This morning I crawled out of bed at 6:30. Yes it's a Sunday and yes I know that's on a weekend. Those of you who know me well are probably a little confused by this, but as evidence I took a picture of the amazing sunrise. The child inside of me wants to believe that sunrise and sunset are those magical moments when God himself walks on the earth. Yet sadly the holiness of those moments rarely inspires me to witness them. My reason instead for getting up so early on a Sunday was Race for the Cure. This event raises money for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

As part of a renewed commitment to my community (i.e. the world) and a desire to be more of a participant and less of an observer, I've decided to start participating in 5k walks (and hopefully, eventually 5k runs.) Ever the supportive sidekick, I dragged Beth along with me. And this is why from 8:00-8:45am we found ourselves sitting in Blondie, my semi-trusty Volvo, waiting in the traffic jam leaving I-5. Unlike most cars where you can entertain yourself by surfing through stations, Blondie's radio is temperamental at best. A favorite tune will come on and taunt you with a happy sing-along only to abruptly disappear and leave you hollering loudly like a gray-haired lady deep in conversation on the front pew when the organist suddenly ends the closing hymn. When this happens I have visions of pulling out a heart defibrillator to shock it back to life, but instead must patiently wait it out until something mystical occurs in the wiring and I once again have music. Sadly at that moment, we had no music and had to make do with our own brand of idle chatter. We hunt for restaurants in the phone book, comment on people in the cars around us and solve world crises. Trivial, but these are the moments that make life matter. Slowly we crept into downtown, parked and pushed our way into the pink melee that was Tom McColl Waterfront Park.

Now nothing says community like 46,000+ people wandering down the street sporting various shades of pink and wearing names like The Boobtrotters, Pirate's Booby, and BeeBee & Melons. Pink was splattered everywhere, from bright pink wigs and t-shirted pooches to bras worn on the outside of shirts and decorated with petals, sequins and tassles. Cheerleaders from local high schools were stationed at the sidelines shouting words of encouragement into the crowd. A couple of drumlines and a marimba band supplied peppy music to help us keep up the pace. Not everyone walked. I saw more than one wheelchair along the route, making me think of how important it must be to them, to be there. And how awesome a friend would have to be to push your chair for 3.1 miles.

Despite the overall bouyancy of the crowd, today was not without the gut-wrenching moments that occur when we are forced to acknowledge human frailty. Pink papers, pinned on the backs of fellow walkers, declared the names of people who lost their battles with cancer. Some wore pictures of grandmothers, mothers, sisters and daughters who could no longer be there to walk beside them. Beth pointed out numbers of old men who walked alone, sobering our happy moods. There was also the father and son who walked together off to the side discussing the weather through stiffly masked faces making me wonder if they were afraid to speak of anything else and risk falling apart. The crowd had that aura of happiness, the kind that only comes from knowing deep sadness.

I don't understand cancer, and by this I don't mean the scientific explanation of cancer. It's like snow, I know the science behind it, but everytime I see it, I still stare in disbelief. Only snow didn't steal my grandfather, the most beautiful person I've ever known. Cancer is a living thing that's purpose is to destroy life. Joining in with the body like an insidious "friend" while it rapes and pillages the life and joy of someone you love. It is the Axis II disorder of medicine. I don't know why God allows it to happen, but then I understand very little of what goes down in the world. I can only trust that when we stand back and take a look in the end, it will all make sense. What I do know is cancer is more treatable today than it was thirty years ago and that's why I'll keep walking.

Looking ahead:



Looking behind:



Flamingo posse:



The cheap seats:



Janet's team:



Please, tell me how you really feel! (freedom of speech is big in P-town)



There's nothing a bright pink wig and feather boa won't fix...



A little post-race celebration at the bandstand...

So...Today I...

1. Saw a red-tailed hawk on a mailbox and almost missed a curve in the road for staring at it. (I know, I'm a nerd, I've accepted it.)

2. Started work at the state hospital and became painfully aware of how often the word "crazy" creeps into my casual coversation and internal dialogue.

3. Was asked a football question and actually knew the answer. (with much thanks to a particularly odd teacher I once had who was obsessed with the Washington Redskins)

4. Apologized all day to people for not having my cell phone with me only to find it had crept into a pocket of my messenger bag.

5. Was told "I love you" by someone it scared me to hear it from and realized that those aren't always the words you long to hear.

6. Debated religion with a devout Catholic.

7. Did an hour of yoga, and then finished off the day with 30 minutes of aerobics. (and none of it was planned)

8. Met my goal of $100 for Race for the Cure within only 24 hours. (taught me to be a little more optimistic in my goals)

9. Wrote my first psychological admission report for a state institution. (now I only have to dictate it. Seems backwards? a bit, perhaps)

10. Learned that lavender and tea tree oil act like estrogen and can cause young boys to grow breasts. (Gives new meaning to the stereotype that real men don't take lavender bubble baths)

All in all it's been a very, very long day.

Scotty

This is my cousin

This is my cousin on drugs....(apparently)


Any questions?


Fine Print: No drugs were harmed in the making of this blog, except perhaps some poison ivy...

I'd be in big trouble...

Apparently it's risky to insult presidents in some places...

bloggity blog blog

Well, this is probably my last post on this blog for a while. The counter says that I have 3 days left until I leave for Kenya! so, I'm packing my Tevas and getting ready for adventure. Yes Travis, I said TEVAS. Like a guy who wears Crocs has any room to mock...

World Refugee Day

It's hard for me to imagine what it would be like to not have a permanent home. Even though I felt that way in that I've moved 13 times in the last 10 years. But, my moves were voluntary and I've still had fairly permanent living conditions in between those moves. Today is a day when we are reminded to think of those who have been pushed away from their homes without choice and forced to take on a nomadic lifestyle in a foreign land.

Some links:
Afghanis
Palestinians
Sudanese
Pakistanis
BBC Special Report

Internships

If all goes well, in one year I will be moving to one of the following places...

Napa, CA
Minneapolis, MN
Honolulu, HI
Durham, NC
Decatur, GA
Salisbury, NC
Columbia, MO
Albuquerque, NM
Chicago, IL
Charleston, SC
Baltimore, MD
Newington, CT
Piscataway, NJ
Houston, TX
Coatesville, PA
Fort Meade, SD
North Little Rock, AR
Tampa, FL

And my top five are...
Honolulu
Albuquerque
Napa
Minneapolis
Columbia

Smiling

5 Things made me smile today.

1. Singing along with Yellow Submarine, in the car, loudly.
2. Getting back a report with a lousy grade and knowing that the prof thinks I'll be a good clinician anyway
3. Chatting on the internet with the kitten sleeping on my shoulder.
4. The close-talker on Seinfeld.
5. The beautiful coyote passing through my lawn this morning.

Just for Beth

Beth keeps messaging me about the cool thunderstorms they're having in NE. Since I live where the locals are proud to inform me that they don't have THOSE... I gathered a special collection of Jewish curses for her...

So, here's to you Beth....

May your daughter's beauty be admired by everyone in the circus.

May you grow two more hands to scratch all your itches.

May you back into a pitchfork and grab a hot stove for support.

May you have lot of money, but you should be the only one in the family with
it.

May you have twelve healthy children.
And then may someone give one of them a whistle.

May you sell candles for a living and then may the sun never set.

My Cool Friend...

This is Katie....

Isn't she awesome?

Kitty Trauma

Know that feeling when you're partway up and you're too scared to go back down???

Okay, one more...

I had to add another napping picture

Adventures in Kittensitting

The day started with a nap as all days should...












And back to napping...


Yes I know the last few blogs may make me look like a cat lady, but the truth is, pix of me typing reports, doing my dishes, sweeping the floor etc, would make me look even MORE boring...